Stiffed

Susan Faludi's exhaustive examination of the desperate state of the American man, Stiffed, connected, surprisingly, to one of my favorite recent topics: obsessive self-disclosure.  Her conclusion, in large part, is that without a common purpose, a sense of community, a shared goal, men are left with the dregs society has provided as a replacement: consumption.  In the absence of something to create, we consume.  Fame, beauty, money become goals rather than pleasant by-products and are, necessarily, unfulfilling. 
And here we are back at facebook, where commenting on one's life, displaying pictures of oneself and one's activities, in short showing, becomes more important than doing.   Kids are more likely to say they want to be famous than describe what they might do to become so.  Yahoo "news" and the tabloids are full of information about people who are famous for being famous.  While I am optimistic about the work that was put into Obama's campaign (however I feel about the blind sycophancy that sometimes accompanied it), and the moves toward local food, abstaining from the purchase of new products, and active environmental responsibility, the culture at large pushes us toward filling the hole with stuff and image.  What we look like, how we describe ourselves, what we are "a fan of" or how we feel is more important than what we do.  Even non-doing, meditating, sitting, isn't real unless it's in a facebook update.  I'm condemning myself as much as anyone with this; when bored at work I seek continual validation of my clever statements on that goddamn "social networking" site.  I'm just struck by how everything I've been investigating lately, everything that annoys me, excites me, scares me - it all connects.  And the solution, again and again, seems to be putting the wallet away, digging in the dirt, paying attention to what I do, engaging with the world, and, maybe just a little bit of shutting the fuck up.  Hey-yo.

Comments

[Allegra]

I'm totally finding the same thing right now. Except for me, it's all going back to our increased dependency on technology for our social interactions and what effect that's having on society and myself.

The trends are scary.

[zoe]

Whenever a freeway adds a lane, traffic will soon increase to compensate for the increased space. I think it's the same thing with technology - we only need cell phones because we have cell phones, and people's expectations of our availablility have risen to meet that. We expect to be in constant contact because of facebook. But it's a matter of convenience, not depth or real connection. One of the many reasons I don't really blog about myself anymore is because I'd go out with someone and tell them what was going on in my life and they'd say, "yeah, I read that on your blog." It made me feel dirty. That 25 things thing on facebook freaks me out - shouldn't those be things that people discover about you? Things you tell your closest friends? At the same time, I certainly understand the inclination to Look at Me! See how unique I am! (I try to resist.)

[Courts!]

How many times a week do I try to tell someone a story and then stop myself with, "Wait - did you read my blog today?" "Yes." "Oh." Then I have nothing to tell them. And I also feel that instead of DOING whatever I want to do, like write or play music or whatever, I'm diving into the depths of information that is facebook to I don't know - just read something! However, I am also finding that in the midst of this whirlwind of TMI that the spaces in between when I do just get to shut up and be by myself are so much more precious. But the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" of how people get to know you? Isn't that the same as being resistant to internet dating? How is this not just evolution? It's not how evolution has been done for millions of years, but what if that's how it is now?

[SylviaPlathWasFramed]

I'm addicted--and it does feel like an addiction, with attendant compulsive behaviors--to Facebook. Since moving out here, it makes me feel connected to people I miss back home, and it's helped me maintain relationships with people I've met here and am moving into my "friend" category. Being new in town, it's easy to feel like I'm a facade anyway, since I'm not yet sure what I'm doing here, or what I want, and therefore not always sure who I am. Something about the profile feels reassuring, but I'm also eager to get past this dependence and into a real life.